Posts Tagged ‘beauty’

Got a haircut…hated it…

Found a solution


You’re distracted from the Hair…Right




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Bad Hair Day

In the shower this morning I got thinking about bad hair.070

I can’t count the number of times in my life I’ve said, “I’m having a bad hair day”

But today I asked myself, “What makes hair bad?”

It’s just hair.

Immediately, I got a visual in my head…the hair stealing the bobby pins saying,

“I’ve got your bobby pins and I’m not afraid to use them!”

As my laughter died down, I realized something…what made my hair ‘bad’ was the fact that it did not do what I wanted it to do right at the exact moment I was asking it.  It did not lay down quietly with no objections.  It seemed to have a mind of it’s own…independent ideas.  It wanted to do what it wanted to do instead of what I wanted it to do. And I responded, “BAD HAIR!!”

Then it occurred to me how much of this same ‘badness’ I had been carrying around with me and throwing onto my children, my husband, and myself.

Bad Vicki…you’re getting too wild here…settle down.

Bad Vicki…just sit down quietly and don’t make a scene.

Bad Vicki…you aren’t doing what you are told! I asked you to do something so stop what you’re doing right now and do what I said!  Listen to me!  Do it my way!

So I’m not saying I want to get completely unruly and I do want my hair to have some degree of composure, but I do have to ask…

What if we allowed ourselves, our children, and our hair, to get a little out of control without throwing on the badness card?  Would that create total anarchy, uncontrolled chaos, and an eternal afterlife of damnation? Or would it merely open the door to a little more self-expression in the world?  Allowing each person, and lock, a chance to be independent and unique without severe judgment and retribution?

On that note, I will share a poem with you that came to life on one of my bad hair days.  I give voice to all the unruly,  locks that merely want a little self-expression.

Bad Hair Day

I woke up this morning and showered away

As I primped up, my hair…it had something to say

“I want to be frizzy, I want to be wild”

“Don’t want to be smoothed down, or tied up, or mild”

“If you try to contain me, I’m gonna’ rebel”

“And don’t even think about hair spray or gel”

Oh, I would not have that.  I got out my brush.

I had to look good and was quite in a rush

I straightened, I braided, I clipped and I curled

As I finished and looked up, my hair…it unfurled

It stuck out and poked out and curled the wrong way

And there in plain sight (it was taunting me)…grey

Oh, I don’t have time for this.  I need to go.

My hair must be perfect.  But wouldn’t you know…

I brushed my hair left.  My hair took a right.

At this rate, I’d still be disheveled tonight.

I tried with my iron, I tried with my crimper

I tried to add body.  My hair just got limper.

I added more product.  I added more mousse.

My bad hair day continued until I called a truce.

My hair got it’s way.  It’s as simple as that.

My hair, it had won.  And I put on a hat.

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I am currently going through a self analysis phase.  I am looking deeply into myself and seeing many shadows that I previously remained distant from.  This has not always felt good.  In fact, many times it has felt pretty bad; But today, I was uplifted by the simplest of things – The bluebird outside my window. 

The bluebird of happiness paid me a visit.  As I saw a flash of blue, I was transported to a lighter, happier place.  I was reminded of all the beautiful color in this world.

My mind recalled the numerous rainbows I have seen in my lifetime, that presented me with a blast of color after a storm.  I was reminded of the colorful fabrics and clothing that I have seen and worn and touched.  I remembered the variety of color and texture in the living food from my garden   I thought of the beauty of tree blossoms in the spring, changing leaves in the fall, and the vast array of colors and designs in the flowers of this world.  I thought of all the beautiful colors of the people of this world. A combination of hair and eye and skin color as unique as the person himself.   WOW! 

So much beauty and color does exist in this world and it brings me happiness!  I am so thankful that the bluebird outside my window reminded me to see it so I do not become lost in the shadows.

I wish you all a bluebird outside your own window!

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A friend of mine has a teenage daughter who is attempting to become a model.  She is extremely photogenic and takes amazing pictures.   She recently went on a model search cruise and was loved by all the agencies in attendance.  They all wanted her to sign with them, BUT.  None would accept her as a model unless she could fit into their size 2 clothing. She was not far away from that, BUT, now, to continue with her dream, she would be required to starve herself or exercise herself into a size 2.

The message that is being sent out to all girls here is that you are not pretty enough unless you are very thin.  And as girls and as women in the modern world, we have believed them.  We see fat on our bodies and instantly want to diet, exercise, or liposection it away.  We even resort to anorexia and bulimia in an attempt to be thin enough.  We feel frumpy, unsexy, and undesirable.  We spend so much of our valuable life force energy trying to be thin so we can then feel pretty.

Women, do you know that for thousands of years, the woman’s body was viewed as beautiful if it was full and round.  Voluptuous curves and full stomachs were honored as a reflection of health and vitality.  Thin women were thought to be unhealthy and malnourished. Robust was sexy and beautiful!  A full-bodied, round, robust woman was considered goddess-like.  So why is it suddenly so abhorrent now?

My question to modern day women is this…

Why are we all trying to be what the modeling industry wants us to be?  Why won’t the model industry expand it’s expectations to include and reflect the beauty in all body types and sizes?  Isn’t there beauty in Size 22 and size 12 as well as in size 2?  How about this? Instead of conforming to an external standard of beauty, let’s all find the beauty inside of us in whatever our body type or size.  Being a woman is beautiful in all shapes and sizes, not just size 2.


I got in touch with my friend to get permission to write about her daughter and this was her response (I have changed the names for her privacy):

Ginger has been scouted by Elite Models, IMG Models and several other top international agencies. They want her for runways in Paris and Milan and editorial photographs (the most elite realm of modeling). Another agency wants to send her to Hong Kong for a 3 month contract for commercials, runway and editorial magazine shots. At the recent event in LA, Ginger was voted ‘best teenage model’ and ‘best swimsuit model’ from over 300 contestants.  The only issue is that she needs to loose 2 inches off her hips to fit into the clothes on the runway/at the photo shoots. My daughter is 5’9″ tall and weighs 125 pounds.  She is toned and elegant and has amazing stage presence because she has been a dancer all her life. There is hardly an ounce of fat on her – loosing 2 inches off her butt would probably require she lose muscle too.  She is a very healthy, very slender young woman.  The irony is that she is so poised and long legged that she appears to be the ‘right’ weight – and the agencies were startled that she was too ‘big’.  It was only when the measuring tape came out that it was apparent that she would not fit into the size 3s or 5s required for the job. (she wears a 7). 

My daughter was thrilled at the accolades she got in this extraordinarily competitive realm. Runway at this level can earn $10,000+ a day.  However once home and facing the discipline involved of over exercising and under eating, (and continuing it to maintain a diet of mostly salads to keep the low weight) she has just not felt like doing it.  Nor does she want to be the poster child to push for more open guidelines.  Her local agency suggests she then gain 20 pounds to be a plus model – but that would not work either as she is not busty enough for that realm.  My daughter is the perfect example of why they need to open up the guidelines because she is so healthy and naturally slender and even ‘looks’ right.  Gaunt, emaciated, starving women are not a ‘model’ form!  Honestly, I support the ‘style’ to have slender women model clothes – if they opened up their guidelines just 10 pounds and 2 or 3 inches, they would have a more reasonable and far more healthy version of ‘models’.  What they have now is unreachable to maintain health.  No wonder there are all those eating disorders.  I’m so glad my daughter has no inclination to starve or purge to fit in. 

I see that I had gotten the size 2 fact wrong, but that does not alter my perspective.  I am also so glad that Ginger is not starving or purging to fit in.  She is truly beautiful in her body right now as are all the size 12’s and 22’s that I know!

Women, we are all uniquely beautiful and model worthy!  Let’s stop defining ourselves by the unreal, unhealthy, and unattainable standards set by the beauty and modeling industry!  Let’s expand our own minds to see the real beauty in all healthy female body types  from size 2 to size 200.

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My oldest daughter recently had her first menstrual period beginning her beautiful transition into womanhood and sexuality.  I was so filled with joy as I experienced this milestone and am thrilled to see her develop into a gorgeous, vibrant young lady.  However, this transition has also brought to the forefront of my mind the fact that I am no longer that.  I am no longer a young lady.  I am a 42 year old woman and say with some trepidation that I actually belong in the category of middle-aged mother.

My initial feelings upon realizing this were that I was old and no longer beautiful.  I had thoughts of being on the downward slope of beauty.  After all, I no longer have the firm, strong abs that I had in my youth, I have stretch marks on my body from weight changes and pregnancy, and my breasts are sagging more and more as the years go by.  I find grey hairs starting to take residence in my once golden blonde, but now dark, sandy, brown/blonde hair and wrinkles developing across my face.  Yes, I no longer exemplify the image of youthful beauty.

Now I know that many women will try to extend their youthful beauty in many ways:  by dying their hair, getting breast implants or plastic surgery, trying many forms of wrinkle creams and makeup, and even wearing push up bras.  I’m going to try a different approach.  I’m going to forego the hair dying, nail painting, extra hours at the gym, wrinkle creams, and designer clothes and attempt to find the real beauty in middle age!

As I ponder my aging image, I find this stage of being a woman is very different from the youthful version, but it’s still really beautiful.  It’s merely a different kind of beauty.  Yes, my breasts are no longer perky, round, and youthful.  They have begun to sag loosely from years of gravity and the breastfeeding of my three children.   But when I stopped to consider this and view it from a different perspective, I found the current state of my breasts, and also my stretch marks, reflect the fact that I have physically carried, birthed, and fed three children – and that is pretty sexy and beautiful if you think about it!

And then there is the graying hair, and the developing wrinkles.  How could these really be beautiful? Well, I found that answer only after removing the ‘youthful beauty’ filter.  The filter that says ‘youthful is good and beautiful, but old is bad and ugly’.  As women in today’s world, we’ve internalized this belief and spend billions of dollars and personal energy trying to maintain our youthful, and therefore  beautiful, appearance.  However, by removing the filter, by letting go of the images of what a beautiful body should look like, the real beauty of middle age becomes apparent and the rest becomes irrelevant.

My husband and I recently paged through many pictures and found that our favorites, the ones we thought were the most beautiful, had nothing to do with the physical, external image of the person.  It had nothing to do with what was being worn, how the hair was styled, or how thin or physically fit the person was.  Our favorites were the ones in which the beautiful, unplanned smile shined forth into the image.  When joy could be seen through the eyes of the person being photographed.

It was in that moment when the words I heard as a child came back to me and the real truth of beauty became apparent.  I heard the cosmic DUH as I realized that real beauty really does come from the inside rather than the outside.

This is the truth of beauty.  For all ages, all body types, all ethnicities, the most beautiful pictures emanate joy.  So when middle age takes us in it’s grasp, wrinkles, gray hair, sagging breasts and all, why don’t we let go of the youthful image of beauty and instead spend our life energy embracing internal joy.  Let’s find the beauty that shines forth from the inside.  Let’s measure our beauty by the number of sparkles in our eyes instead of the numbers on the scale or the numbers of wrinkles on our faces.

I can now make peace with my middle-aged body.  I can confidently say that my middle-aged, feminine beauty comes from knowing that I have nurtured another generation.  It comes from the fact that I have been a woman on the earth long enough for gravity and time to take effect and have gained much understanding, knowledge, and wisdom along the way.  I have come to live my days finding and sharing my joy instead of primping and perfecting and as a result, my middle aged beauty shines into the world, bodily ‘imperfections’ and all.

If you want to be a beautiful middle-aged woman, find your joy…find your passion and let that shine from you into the world!

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